Category Archive: Satire

Feb 06

A Fictional(?) Personal Statement


The college process can be a tricky one. Much like the krebs cycle or putting clothes on in the morning, I’ve found the college process both confounding and confuddling. I found it even more so after I got deferred—although that may very well have happened because I think that “confuddling” is a word. Things didn’t …

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Feb 06

My Very Own Senior Profile


Being a staff member on Campus can be rough. You can’t be quoted in any articles, you always have a deadline hanging over yourself, and worst of all, you can’t be the focus of a senior profile. Senior profiles are (or at least used to be) the highest honor in all of Edgemont. If you …

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Jan 17

Four Ways To Defuse The Iran Problem

Already gave it to them guys. Remember the Falklands?

It’s no secret that the U.S. (and the rest of the West, for that matter), is developing a bit of an “Iran Problem.” For those of you who have not read the news recently (and by recently, I mean the last three or four years), Iran is allegedly trying to develop the capability to make …

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Dec 23

Christmas Vs. Hanukah: The Uncomfortably Gritty Knife Fight to the Bitter Winter Holiday Death

This is my most recent back-page. It is also my least favorite to date. Enjoy(?)   As the deadline for this back-page loomed closer and closer, I began to grow a wee bit sad. Though December’s landscape is, obviously, dominated by Christmas (yes, Christmas, Hanukkah lovers), I realized that January contains no significant holidays. Sure, …

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Dec 07

LOTR Vs. Star Wars: Cage Match To The Bitter End (Of The On Sale Bin)

Yeah, that's right, I'm a book devoted entirely to the detailed depiction of the history of Middle-Earth, and the greater world of Arda as a whole.

Prior to the release of the “Lord of The Rings Trilogy,” there was nothing ambiguous about the phrase “The Trilogy.” “The Trilogy” obviously referred to the legendary science fiction franchise “Star Wars,” the brainchild of George Lucas. Now, however, that certainty is longer present. In 2001, director Peter Jackson undertook the cinematic adaptation of J.R.R. …

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Nov 15

My Day Amongst The Heathens: A Visit To Occupy Wall Street

This is the kind of happiness that a family could never even hope to bring you

There are three things in life that I truly love: Starcraft 2, my family, and drum circles. I’m not listing those in order, of course. (If I were, drum circles would be first). Due to my fondness for drum circles, I decided to head down to the city to get in on the biggest drum …

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Nov 07

AJ’s Guide To Having A Great Thanksgiving


Senior year is, expectedly, a stressful time in one’s life. You have to apply to college, you have a harder course load, and you have more responsibility in your extra curricular activities. It can be a lot to handle. So to help deal with the some of the stress, I recently went over to my …

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Oct 30

What Do You Mean “World” Series?

Really? Because I went to a KHL game last week as a 25 year old young professional, and now I am 63 and in a soup kitchen.

Thomas Terrymon is just your average European War Criminal, trying to restart his life here in the USA. The phenomenon of baseball is not something that has ever translated to my home country, the name of which I am no longer legally allowed to disclose (curse you, “Kroatia”). Regardless, one thing I’ve never understood is …

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Oct 30

The United Nations- The Neighborhood Watch of International Politics

Because there's nothing like preventing someone from trying to amend for previous mistakes, right?

There’s a lot to love and hate about the United Nations. It’s an organization defined by bureaucracy, discord, and a painful lack of authority. At the same time, it has a Secretary General who is a Warcraft character, so I guess it isn’t all bad.  It’s not often that  a person’s real name can also be …

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Oct 21

My Venture Into The World Of Modern Art: Part 1

What do you mean the exposition is longer than the conflict itself?

      Over the summer, a family friend of ours invited us to a modern art installation that a gallery in New York City was hosting. She worked for said gallery, and offered us three free tickets to attend. Naturally, I accepted. I figured it would be good fodder for an article- or that …

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